Empower the future. Cultivate drive. Understand your mind.
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While it’s a common realization that the world has become a connected global village, it’s also a fact that we are seeing increasing divisions based on ideology, culture, class, race, religion, family values, and politics. With each passing day, differing attitudes, cultural values, perceived social norms, and political ideologies are pulling people further apart. This increased polarization is also making people feel isolated, demoralized, or angry since dialogue often ends up in arguments, hostility, and further division rather than listening, connection, problem-solving and social cohesion.
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While it’s a common realization that the world has become a connected global village, it’s also a fact that we are seeing increasing divisions based on ideology, culture, class, race, religion, family values, and politics. With each passing day, differing attitudes, cultural values, perceived social norms, and political ideologies are pulling people further apart. This increased polarization is also making people feel isolated, demoralized, or angry since dialogue often ends up in arguments, hostility, and further division rather than listening, connection, problem-solving and social cohesion.
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It would not be news to say that excessive use of technology is negatively affecting children of all ages. Screen time not only affects children’s mental health, but can also negatively impact parent-child relationships, attention span, self-esteem, self-identity, academic performance, physical fitness, and social development. According to a survey, around 70% of parents these days struggle with excessive tech use at their homes. Be it smartphones, tablets, or laptops, parents are finding it hard to manage the screen time of children. The issue does not end here; managing tech use is also a key concern at schools as devices continue to be an integral part of learning. This makes us eager to learn and understand the idea of tech withdrawal—behaviours and emotions children exhibit when technology use is diminished or removed. In this blog, let’s learn about tech withdrawal, what it is and what parents and teachers can do to manage it effectively.
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We are raising our children in an era of dangerous paradox. We are the most educated group of parents to walk the earth, yet our children stand a much higher chance of developing serious conditions such as stress, insomnia, anxiety, depression, obesity, diabetes and addiction. While all of these problems also have roots in our genes, the fact that they are all on the rise in children has nothing to do with DNA and everything to do with the imbalanced modern lifestyles in which we are raising our children. A lack of balance plagues the everyday lives of so many children. If our children spend too much time working at a desk and not enough time living in the real world, they won’t learn how to balance work and real life in adulthood. If our children spend too much time studying or practising and not enough time resting or unwinding, they’ll have a hard time being able to relax. If our children spend too much time being protected, they won’t learn how to protect. The dolphin doctrine themselves. If our children are given too much instruction and not enough time to problem-solve on their own, they’ll have a hard time facing and solving their own problems. A child who grows up imbalanced won’t even know what balance feels like. With the goal of balance in mind, let’s look at the three classic parenting styles through the metaphor of the tiger, jellyfish and dolphin.
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“I know it doesn’t feel right but everyone else is doing it.” These were the words I said far too often a few years ago when I was a new parent. It seemed to be the only response I could muster up when a well-meaning grandparent or friend (with no kids) commented on how busy we were as a family because of all my kids’ activities.
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‘Helicopter parenting’ has become synonymous with parents who hover too much, but what are Tiger, Jellyfish and Dolphin parents? Dr. Shimi Kang defines the animal metaphors associated with parenting styles.
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Ninety Four percent of employers agree that collaboration is an imperative skill for 21st century job success for new graduates. Even though social bonding is in our human nature, we often forget this truth. I see it all the time — highly intelligent university and college students who minimize their social connection with others because they deem their peers as opponents rather than teammates. This solitary “tiger” mindset often leads students to become overly competitive and lacking in important social skills. The National Education Association (NEA) deems collaboration as an essential skill for students to learn, because it is inherent in how work is accomplished and how our workforce functions. In my research, I have found the characteristics of one of the world’s most altruistic mammals, the dolphin, to be a powerful metaphor for collaborative teaching and learning approaches.
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I’d be lying if I said a big part of me wasn’t happy that my daughter has shown no signs of “Bieber fever”. Yet, she’s only four years old, so she does have a chance of catching the disease that research suggests is more infectious than the measles. I’m not kidding, researchers at the University of Ottawa, used mathematical models to conclude that Biebermania behaves like a real disease — one that is capable of turning into an “apocalyptic infection.” The symptoms include high-octane screaming, hysterics, and mimicking the star’s poor life decisions (like his haircut).
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In complete shock and dismay, my son stood staggered in front of the television screen. Adorning bright shades of green, yellow and navy blue his cheering was quickly silenced as Germany’s pressure on Brazil intensified. Goal after goal, I could tell the bleak reality of my son’s beloved team was slowly sinking in. With a fierce score of 7-1, my soccer aficionado couldn’t believe Germany eliminated the host team from the FIFA World Cup series.
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When I was younger, my mother established the same bedtime routine. Some nights I was more grateful than others, but the question always challenged me to think deeply about the positive aspects of my life. As the youngest of five children in a “non-privileged” immigrant family, everything I owned was a hand-me-down, so I learned to be grateful for non-material other things: a loving family, sincere friendships, inspiring siblings, helpful mentors and connection to my community. The powerful dialogue my mother and I generated about gratitude is among the keys to happiness and self-motivation. These discussions taught me how to count my blessings rather than add up my problems.
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As my husband piles the last piece of luggage into our jam-packed car, I slowly roll call all of my family’s travelling necessities in my head. Passports? Check. Toothbrushes? Check. Bathing suits? Check. Sandals? Check. Reassured that everything is successfully stowed away, I calmly slump in the passenger seat and take a sigh of relief…Ahh, summer vacation.
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For interview #11 in the Self-Care series I have the pleasure of introducing you to Dr. Shimi Kang. When I first learned about Dr. Kang’s work, I felt like I was meeting a kindred spirit. Though I had never connected with her before, I knew I wanted to chat with Dr. Kang about self-care, and I am so glad I asked.
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Self-motivation is the holy grail of parenting. When you have successfully cultivated your child’s inner drive, you can sit back knowing that you’ve given him or her the one thing they will need to thrive in our fast-changing society. You’ve also provided them with the key to happiness; when we are truly self-motivated, we are driven to seek out the connections that bring us joy and solve problems standing in our way.
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If one believes in cultural stereotypes, my birth should have been a day of mourning. I was the fourth girl born to traditional Indian parents. And because I was an overachieving student who started medical school at the age of 19, one may also assume that my immigrant parents were pushing, hovering tiger parents. Neither of these are true. My birth was celebrated loudly and authoritarian tiger parents actually inhibit the achievement of their children. Unlike the fierce, competitive, and solitary tiger parent, or the permissive, directionless jellyfish parent; the dolphin parent is collaborative, authoritative (firm yet flexible), and have high expectations for their children. This leads to children with greater confidence, better social skills, and enhanced intrinsic motivation. My father was the ultimate dolphin parent and this Father’s Day I want to thank him for it.
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Nature is our ultimate utopia: It refreshes us, inspires us, even heals us. Why not take the path less travelled and explore something green today? Your health will thank you for it.
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One of my young patients, who was just 10 years old, was struggling with low self-esteem and school frustration that led to depression and anxiety symptoms. When I asked him what he thought led him to feel this way, he said one thing (among many others) was being told he had a “pencil-holding deficiency.” This caused him to have messy printing and trouble with written output. Written output is important, but as a doctor with “chicken-scratch writing,” to me this seems a big burden for a young child to carry.
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I just accomplished my childhood dream of becoming an author, but my mom won’t be able to read my book. She never went to school, so she can’t read. Because of this, she never hovered over my homework and didn’t even know I applied to medical school when I was 19. She didn’t read any parenting books or blogs either. My mom parented me (and my four siblings) simply with what she felt in her gut was right for her kids and family. Like most parents of her generation and those that came before her, my mom raised her children by looking and listening to her parental intuition.
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Another much-needed new book. The Dolphin Way: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy and Motivated Kids Without Turning Into a Tiger hits shelves today. The author, Shimi Kang, M.D., is just amazing.
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Shyness is completely normal in children and most of the times nothing at all to worry about. In fact, a new study conducted by the University of Colorado and the University of Connecticut examined shyness. They found that shy children know the answer to questions just as often as outgoing kids, but they are just not as eager to state the answer out loud. However, if shyness interferes with what a child wants to do — like play a game, or interferes with what the child needs to do — such as give a presentation at school, parents can help kids overcome it.
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As a young child, I had a lot of free time to feed my growing imagination and I would create layers upon layers of stories in my head. These fictional stories intensified when I was outside in nature. While digging aimlessly in the dirt, I was a scientist trying to discover a new species of life. Soaring through fields of grass, I believed I was a superhero who was saving Mother Nature from the clutches of her most powerful foes. The boundless creativity I had as a child allowed me to play out numerous scenarios, and in every one of them, nature often had a leading role.
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Hockey great Wayne Gretzky often said “You miss every shot you don’t take.” The same is true for learning opportunities: if our children decide against trying something, they will never know what they may be missing out on. However, trying new things means being comfortable making mistakes and failing. As children try new things, make mistakes and fail, they learn that not everything works out on the first or even the tenth time. Mistakes allow children an opportunity to stop and assess what they’re doing, and to consider what they can change in order to succeed next time.
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I don’t know about you but I am tired of all the parenting labels that are being flung around lately. When Penguin Canada announced that The Dolphin Way was to be published soon, I was intrigued. I am not a tiger mom, but have been accused on the playground of being an attachment and helicopter mom. I am okay if I’m judged on how I parent. No one is parenting my children other than my husband and I.
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Many years ago in the middle of tantrums with a toddler, I had a feeling of lost over take me and my father in law said something that has stuck deep inside me since. Along with his personal advice as a father and papa, he pointed us into the direction of books. He said “you are not the first to experience this, the chances are you will find your answer in a book.”
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I have a problem with the concept of “Tiger Mom” and it is a very personal one: I saw how damaging the overbearing, helicopter parenting style can be first hand during my years at an all girls private school. The school that I attended was noted for academic excellence and while the school itself was a nurturing and supportive environment (I say this with all honestly), I saw a lot of girls deal with a huge amount of pressure. Some of these students were of Chinese decent (the “stereotypical” tiger cubs) and others weren’t. I also saw students with supportive and loving families who chose on their own to strive for perfection. I saw this extreme pressure, either from the outside or the inside result in serious sports injuries, chronic depression, cutting, bulimia and anorexia.
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Ever wonder why it is that previous generations were able to have to many kids and still manage to keep the house in one piece? Ever stop to consider why it is so hard to make time for your spouse? And have you ever stopped to consider what the long term effects of your parenting are? If you have ever pondered any of these questions, The Dolphin Way is a must read. In it, Dr. Shimi Kang proposes a different parenting model, one that is much more of a throw back to the way previous generations were raised, before the advent of terms like Tiger Mom, overscheduling, and downtime.
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There are not many things parents feel more conflicted about than the issue of technology.There is no doubt that technologies like the Internet and iPads are all around us and are here to stay. And like anything, there are many drawbacks and benefits of technology use. On one hand, kids can spend too much time with it, look up inappropriate information, and can even become addicted to technology. On the other hand, using technology is fast becoming a necessary part of life and is being used more and more for education in schools.
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In her upcoming book The Dolphin Way: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids-Without Turning into a Tiger (Tarcher, Penguin May 2014), Dr. Shimi Kang advocates parenting the Dolphin Way. These are the seven guiding princples.
As a best-selling author, international speaker, and expert contributor to prominent media outlets, Dr. Shimi Kang has influenced how millions of people approach self-development and mental health. Understand innovation and achievement, book Dr. Shimi Kang as a keynote speaker, a media appearance, or a medical consultation & empowerment coaching today!
